12. The struggle with anxiety and visits to the exorcist

Nobody who had not experienced THIS personally,
could not understand THIS.

Winter that year was very cold and snowy. When I left after the holidays from the family home to the capital where I resided, I first had to overcome huge snow drifts that nearly reached the height of the fence. Throughout the country it was similar and akin to a state of natural disaster – snow covered, impassable roads, towns cut off from the world, frost .. I returned to the capital on Saturday and on Monday it had started to thaw. The temperature rose above freezing and the snow began to melt rapidly, exposing slippery surfaces, covered with ice.

The changing weather affected my well-being to a great degree. I felt pain in my legs, arms and shoulders. With difficulty, I trudged through remnants of snow on the road, not to mention how hard I had to walk on slippery sidewalks. Over the next few days I felt very ill.

But that was not the worst of it….

During the thaw, I was afraid to walk on icy surfaces. My leg pain bothered me so much that I thought I would fall over. My calves ached annoyingly and I felt as though heavy metal balls were attached to my feet. This state and the subconscious fear of slipping intensified so that I had begun to fear walking on slippery streets. Gradually, more and more anxiety grew within me until it finally hit me with greater force than ever before.

What happened then was the worst experience of the entire period in which I battled anxiety. It was a real torment.


One day I went to one of the districts of the city. Once I had done what I was supposed to do, I was walked toward the bus stop to go home.

At one point, I suddenly felt something best described as a huge wave and strong tide of something bad. The feeling of fear and panic associated with this was much stronger than I had ever experienced. Yes, it was a many-fold more powerful anxiety and fear than ever before. It came suddenly and was completely independent of me. I felt like I had just brushed against pure evil. I was terrified.

Terrible thoughts raced through my head. With the last of my strength I tried to stay on my swaying feet. But the evil thoughts attacked. It was as if something tried to convince me that this was the end for me.


A growing fear that paralyzed all my movements came over me. I tried to go on, but every few steps I stopped and stood motionless in one place, as if rooted to the ground, and I could not move in any direction. I tried to hold on to anything so that I not fall over – the fence, the fence post. I did everything in order not to panic. I had to fight with myself not to give in to evil thoughts and not allow myself to be completely overcome by fear and doubt. It seemed to me that the anxiety and fear were embracing every nook of my ‘me’.

I was very exhausted. As if all this were not enough a passing street car, out of nowhere, skidded and went onto the sidewalk, stopping literally right in front of me. It very nearly could have hit me! The additional stress knocked me even more off balance.


Fear seemed to be winning. I could not focus on prayer, to cry out to God for help. During this short time, which seemed like an eternity to me, I felt total helplessness and weakness. I did not know what to do. It got dark, the street was empty and no one approached who could help me get to the bus stop. I was still stuck in the same place, holding a roadside pole. It seemed to me, as if all evil was conspiring against me …

Finally, with the remnants of my strength I made a few steps forward. And then I remembered a book excerpt from “Jesus is alive,” in which Father Emiliano Tardif (one of the most famous charismatic priests in the world) writes that in emergency situations, we can call in the blood and the wounds of Jesus Christ. Without considering it long and with the little strength I could muster, I cried out for help to Jesus and Mary so that they could deliver me from evil.


After several minutes of fervent prayer I began to move. Luckily I managed to cross the street and get to the bus stop. I sat on a bench and a I repeated emphatically the prayer for help a few more times. Then I felt stronger.

When the bus arrived, I got inside without much difficulty. In constant prayer, I got to the center of town and got out. Immediately after getting off the bus I felt great physical weakness in my legs and body. I sat down at the bus stop. Almost immediately I began to feel tremors and started shaking, which intensified. I did not know whether it was from the cold or from nerves. I was shaking all over and I could not stand. However, when the bus arrived, I got on again and this time without much problem.

I calmly rode to my neighborhood. After getting off the bus I got to a pedestrian crossings and at that point again I fearfully clung to the post and the was rooted to the ground. It had returned.

So I asked God to for a person who could will help me cross the street. For several minutes, which seemed like an eternity, nobody came, and I felt at that time that in a moment my legs would fail me and I would tumble to the ground. But soon I became very happy and felt great relief, because I saw my neighbor from the building. The neighbor was willing to help me and so I was able to reach the door of my apartment.

When I went into the yard with my dog, Sonia, a few minutes later, I still felt insecure. Roughly an hour later, Sonia wanted to go back outside again. After what I had experienced in the past hour, I was not too happy with the fact that I would have to go again. However, when I found myself outside again, I suddenly realized that my strength and courage were back with me again. I was not afraid, I placed my feet firmly on the ice and snow and I was thankful to God who has the power deliver us from evil.


Unfortunately, the next day the terrors came back several times and once again tormented me mercilessly. I was looking for a way out and in the end I decided to contact the late priest, Teofil Herman. The priest suggested that I come to the chapel the next morning. he the comforted me and told me that everything will be fine and to be in good spirits.

When I met with Father Teofil, I told him all about my enslavement to fears and anxieties. Then the priest prayed for me and then gave me the sacrament of the anointing of the sick.

After a few days there had been a perceptible relief, anxiety and fear had passed, my legs regained their strength and lightness. However, this did not end the struggle with anxiety and fear.


After a few months, when it seemed that the anxiety had left me completely, unexpectedly, a new wave came hit me. Also, at this time it was very difficult for me to live and work normally. Every day I had to wrestle with myself and my own weaknesses to overcome fear and to perform regular duties. I prayed often and asked God that he deliver me from the anxiety, which had returned. However, I noticed that my prayers did not bring lasting fruit.

Then I decided to go to an exorcist. At the insistence of a friend, I rang the Catholic clinic and set up a visit with father A, a known exorcist associated with the Movement for Catholic Charismatic Renewal. In accordance with the procedures adopted by the clinic, my encounter with the priest was preceded by an interview with a psychologist. The interview with the psychologist was concluded successfully. The psychologist did not find any abnormalities suggestive of mental illness, which would require the intervention of a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Due to the long waiting list, I was assigned a date in a few weeks time. I must admit that the very distant date worried me. Every day it seemed to me that I could no longer stand the anxiety that plagued me.

On the day of the appointment, I had a talk with the exorcist on the history and nature of my ailment. The prayer of exorcism was held on January 13.

Already during the prayer, I felt peace, relief and a sense of security. When I left the church, I was very happy, I wanted to laugh with joy. Going to the bus stop I slipped and fell on an icy sidewalk. However, this event did not temper my joy, on the contrary – it made me laugh. From then on I could work in peace and enjoy my life.

But soon it became clear to me that this was only a temporary relief …


A few months after the prayer of exorcism the following event took place . I came back from a walk with the dog and I was already in the apartment complex, roughly 30 meters from the stairwell. Like a few months earlier, at some point I felt something, which can not be rationally explained. This can only be compared to an approaching invisible wave carrying only the fear and anxiety. That something was much tougher and stronger than me, and struck with greater force than it had the previous time.

Nobody who had not experienced THIS personally, could understand THIS. I felt like I was in the midst of evil. At the same time I felt a great weakness. In an instant all my strength left me. I had to stop and I stood for quite a while, unable to move. At the same time my whole body stiffened a growing fear seized me. My heart pounded like a hammer, I trembled and could barely stand on my feet. It grew dark before my eyes. The only thought I had was not to fall over in front of passing housing tenants arriving at the apartment building. I began to pray desperately to successfully reach the stairwell.

After some time I moved from the place trying to find the entrance door as soon as possible. I walked almost the entire stretch holding on to the walls of the building. I dreamed only about getting myself within the building. After entering the stairwell I was completely exhausted. I could not stand on my feet, so there was no question to get to the elevator and go upstairs.

I sat down hard on the stairs. I had to relax, to get a little bit of strength and approach the elevator. When I found myself in my apartment, I was completely off balance and shivering. My inner peace had been completely disturbed. At the same time my legs were stiff and my muscles had become very tense. I was afraid to move because I was afraid of falling over. My condition worsened with every hour.


From that day I left the apartment with less and less frequency. Finally the only thing I could do was leave with the dog just outside the gate of the complex.

I came back almost immediately because my legs were giving way under me and I was weak from fear. Often, in moments of exceptional weakness, I had to sit on the hoods of one of the cars parked on the sidewalk.

The whole time I struggled. The physical symptoms were similar to those which are characteristic of myasthenia gravis, which I had previously suffered from. For the first few days I decided to take the pills against the disease, thinking that perhaps it is a remission. However, despite using of the drug, whose positive effects should be visible after about an hour, the symptoms had not passed. The cure did not work, so in this way I received confirmation that I was not suffering from myasthenia gravis.

Thus it was necessary for me to look elsewhere for the source of my state … So I asked people from the community of Catholic Charismatic Renewal to pray for intercession. After praying I felt an internal relief, but the physical ailments were not gone. One person suggested that I re-arranged an interview and prayer with the exorcist, to precisely find out the cause of my ailments.


It was in this way that my next meeting with an exorcist came about. As I turned for assistance with the same problem as a few months earlier, I started with a prayer of discernment and an attempt to answer the question: Why was the previous exorcism prayer not effective? Why, despite the exorcism, did fear and anxiety come back and attack with greater force? What is the reason and the barrier to healing?

The priest and a group of people focused on prayer, and after a while, God came with his word and response. What did I hear?

I heard that the source of my existing trouble lies with me alone. In a previous prayer in January I was not completely honest with Jesus. My condition had been compared to balancing on a tightrope between good and evil. On the one hand I wanted the Lord Jesus to be in my life. And the other, I was afraid to totally entrust myself and my life to him. A lack of complete trust and devotion to God and instability of my heart were the gates through which evil had very easy access to do even more harm to me.

Yes, it was true. The words that I heard was the honest truth about me and my attitude. I had not fully and frankly given my life to Jesus Christ and had not fully accepted his presence in my life because I was afraid of what he would want to do with me and what he would call on me to do.

The priest again recited the exorcism prayer asking God to completely dismiss me all evil and its attacks. During the prayer I entirely entrusted myself and my life to Jesus and I apologized to him for my previous suspicion that hurt him so much.


That day, for the first time I understood with all my heart how important it is to have a sincere relationship with God. It is not enough to pray to God and profess beautiful words and declarations, but above all to pray with the heart, delving deeper into the content of spoken words and confirming the relationship with God with one’s attitude in life.

That day I understood that the only way to healing and freedom from evil is through total dedication to Jesus and entrusting your life to him as Lord and King. If someone wants to be completely healthy, live in freedom from fear and slavery, to experience healing of the body and soul, then there is no other way but Jesus. He is the best doctor, and in him is the fullness of life and health!

The complete healing of man is the only in the power of Jesus!


My release from the bondage of anxiety was another miracle in my process of recovery. God delivered me from evil, which at that time so tormented me. He returned my freedom and has made me feel completely healthy again. It was as if he cut the ties that had hampered me up until then and removed the “shackles” of slavery. That’s why I felt as if God was directly addressing to me the word of the Old Testament Book of Nahum (1.13):
‘And now I will break the yoke from off you, and will burst your bonds apart’